Ugh. Just read another 'surprise wedding' blurb. Some guy did it this past summer in these parts, and now a woman did it. Can't find the link; it doesn't matter. The deal is that your beloved asks you to meet them somewhere, you show up and they throw you a *surprise!* wedding. Yeah. The whole thing.
You know, some surprises are nice. I'm reaching here; I hate surprises. A lot. But I can imagine a surprise like, a cheque arriving that you'd forgotten about, or your kid vacuuming while you were out, or getting to the checkout and finding out everything is 30% off - those are pleasant surprises. But a wedding? Yeah, that'd be a killing.
I get that I'm a wedding scrooge. I really do. Too much over the top crapola on TV, too many women spending thousands on a dress they can't afford, too many family battles over stupid stuff. A lovely wedding is a gift in itself; a lovely marriage more so. I just rarely see either, though I could get out more, it's true.
Speaking of gaily wrapping empty boxes, I wrote a column a couple of weeks back about a stranger taking me to task for my looks. I basically said "meh, works for me" and left it at that. And then I got this note in the mail:
Dear Lorraine Sommerfeld,
You are mistaken. Personal packaging is the most important thing a woman can do, along with cooking delicious meals. That is, if she wants a dedicated husband who is attracted to her.
I thought only of my duties and forgot to embellish my looks. My husband always sat in a house around the corner with a couple where the woman embellished her looks. I was more educated and intelligent than she was. She had 2 men and I had no one.
After she died (ate too rich and died of a heart attack) and after my husband died (age 86) her husband and I got together and I now embellish my looks to the very best of my ability. he is devoted and attracted to me and I'm finally happy.
Don't underestimate looking great!
She signed it. Her handwriting me reminds of my grandparents old country script, and I read the whole thing in my head with a German accent. Of course I adore her. I mean, the two of us have wildly varying goals, but you gotta love the spit and the holler of the lady. I can understand her advice even as I don't take it. A dedicated husband has never been at the top of my wish list, even when I had one. I have been known to embellish my looks on occasion, but mostly I forget.
After putting together the letter with the other rambunctious thoughts in my head, at least I know I am smacking two birds with one stone: no embellishment, no surprise wedding.