December 19, 2011


So my sister Roz is hitting a slow time...

Rozzy is a recruiter. That's 'headhunter' to most of us. She's very, very smart, very professional, excellent at what she does. Like me, she works from home. We speak on the phone every day. Every day. If we don't, one of us thinks the other is mad, and spends another day trying to figure out what we did. Then one of us finally remembers that the other one had meetings or something. Though I usually call her from my bluetooth on the highway to keep me company.

Anyway. Things slow down a little for her this time of year. They don't for me, but they do for her. As she tries to find ways to fill her time, she delves ever deeper into the internet. This often results in her sending me links to people who look like Dog the Bounty Hunter in some Walmart in Louisiana, Awkward Family Photos (which is hilarious), random Maxine cartoons, photoshopped pics of one creature having its way with another, stories about Hazel McCallion's son in his cowboy hat, what she saw on Hoarders last night, a recipe she knows I won't make but has to share anyway (she has dreams of me one day actually cooking; never gonna happen), conversations she has with our other sister Gilly that I have been left out of (it's called 'reply all', you witches), and what is happening in her neighbourhood as she peeks out from behind her living room blinds. This actually is fascinating. They hauled out a body the other day. She's waiting for details.

When I write a blog and link to news reports that are serious, in papers like the New York Times or the Washington Post, or long involved stories on political stuff or quirky science things, Roz calls me and says 'knock it off. Nobody reads that crap." So today, imagine my surprise when I get an email from her and the link is about the death of Kim Jong II, the North Korean dictator.

"Wow," I said to myself. "Roz is finally using her downtime to broaden her horizons." This made me happy. And, I was also glad she was sharing this nugget with me, as it undoubtedly containing something I'd missed. She knows how much I read; I must be great if it eluded me.

This is the link. And this is verbatim what she said in her email:

Check the pictures of people mourning in this link. That's how I imagine news of my passing to look.

I called Roz to tell her news of her passing would indeed elicit words not unlike the headline in that link. I told her even though she had oppressed, starved and shot us, we would mourn her passing. Her reply? "I'm talking about the pictures. I didn't catch the headline."

14 Comments:

Blogger Lorraine said...

Okay, I'll comment here. Roz is dropping comments on previous posts like fairy dust. I think I can hear her tapping her foot, waiting for a pile -on in this post. HER post.

December 19, 2011 1:28 PM  
Anonymous Padraig said...

Kim Jong is dead? I didn't even realise he was il.

December 19, 2011 1:55 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Padraig... I can only eat so much veal...

And Roz, you should know, better than most, it's all in the details!

December 19, 2011 2:13 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

I was trying to think of a nice epitaph for Roz, but the only word I can think of that rhymes is "schnozz." Having never seen Roz's schnozz, I feel unqualifed to continue.

December 19, 2011 2:59 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

She has a tiny little turned up nose.

Bitch.

December 19, 2011 4:02 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Don't kid yourself. Those pictures were taken after a landing I made in Pyongyang. I believe it was an attempt to besmirch my good name in North Korea. Rihanna could not be reached for comment.

December 19, 2011 4:22 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

anybody seen Gilly?

December 20, 2011 6:16 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

No, but Rozzy's here. We're interchangeable.

December 20, 2011 2:05 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Seriously?

Check out this link for a little light-hearted Chrismukkah-type humour...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzoGCG8w8Wc

December 20, 2011 5:13 PM  
Anonymous Zena said...

Ha ha - "farkbin"

That's a bin for your farks. Our lives should all be perfectly organised now: sacs for our farps and bins for our farks (our parliamentarians sure could use a bin for all their discarded farks...).

Waaaitaminit! I'm thinking this might be the new hit show on CBC Radio: Farps & Farks. I'm sure it would fly.

Just like Santy's reindeer...

Hoo boy - too much Christmas baking. The smell of ginger and cinnamon has gone to my head...

December 21, 2011 2:50 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

I'm thinkin rumballs...

December 21, 2011 7:47 PM  
Anonymous Zena said...

DJW, the word cipher says "candi" to that. I kid you not.

Ay, that's where the rum's gone...

(no rumballs here, unfortunately, but I did just turn out a pan of very fragrant (and tasty) turkish delight - maybe it's the fumes from the rosewater...)

December 22, 2011 12:41 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Roz... Seriously? Interchangeable... OK, it's Christmas, I'll be nice(r)

December 22, 2011 3:11 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

...like a Swiss Army knife?

December 22, 2011 4:54 PM  

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