February 18, 2012

Ari. Me. Texting.

While I have a hard time texting just to get my point across, my son Ari is able to perform a standup routine with his thumbs. These are random, over the past few months:

Me: You need to be home now
Ari: KK walking home
Me: From where, Mars? Your brother can probably get you. Text me...no, he won't so you have to walk I'm too tired. Don't get eaten by monsters.
Ari: Brb getting eaten

(I'm in bed messing with my phone)
Me: I need help
Ari: Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
Me: You little sh*t, I need help with mean birds

(Midnight, rec room full of boys)
Me: Are you little buggers sleeping in the rec room? There are pillows and blankets in the rec room get your fiver....diver....duvet, piss off auto correct.
Ari: KLkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkhbyuyyutthhhhgghghghghhgjfy
Me: Awesome.

(I'm away on a trip, doing my remote control parenting, as usual)
Me: I'll be in thursday am mske sure your brother reads the text I sent him love you mom....WHY DID YOU CUT CLASS TODAY????
Ari: I cut last period cause it was raining
Me: You were absent for second as well. Rain is not a reason to stay home. There are children learning under trees in the desert who have dirt sandwiches for lunch. On a good day. Go to school. Tell your brother to answer my text to him.

(The next day)
Me: Hiya you guys okay?
Ari: Ive lost both my arms and my left big toe
Me: You brat. I just showed that text to people.
Ari: But seriously I need to get this checked out by someone. It stings.
Me: I'm gonna kill you hahaha
Ari: Not much left of me for you to kill

(I was away for one night; this is 9:30 that night)
Ari: Where do you keep the cake beaters?
Me: (an hour later) Lazy Susan
Ari: Yea thanks anyway got em took me 20 minutes

(I was Christmas shopping. Ari asked for a certain game. I was at the mall.)
Me: Marioheadcart for nintendo dsw?
Ari: mario kart 7 3DS

(Now I'm in the car and Ari is in Best Buy getting me a cover for my iPad.)
Ari: The brown one is $90 I hope you like white....And the line grows by 40 when I went to change the colour lol

(When he's late getting home one night)
Me: R r you?
Ari: I have been kidnapped
Me: That is not funny. Besides, who'd want you?
Ari: Good mothers want me
Me: Go find one who can cook. Tell her to kidnap me.
Ari: Terrible mother. what if I was actually home?
Me: Are you??? And you didn't come see me? Where are you?
Ari: Mexico
Me: If you're home get up here or I'll kill you
Ari: I'm in Mexico the janitors stole me
Me: If you were home you'd be on your computer. JoJo just farted.
Ari: I'm not coming up there now


Blogger DJW said...

You may have to give back your 'Mother of the Year' tiara.

February 18, 2012 12:23 PM  
Anonymous Zena said...

My favourite: (an hour later) Lazy Susan. Now that's a bit of irony for you...

What's up with the word cipher? We need two words now to prove we're not robots? Where's Isaac Asimov when you need him...

Mine are "enuotic 19:4." Sounds like some weird code from a Prisoner episode or something. Now I'm really weirded out. Not quite as weirded out as I was to find out that there are actual Gremlin fan clubs out there, but still.

I think it's the "19:4." part. Must be the ghost in my machine...

February 18, 2012 1:38 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Funny posts, Lorraine. It's true, you are soo busted as "Mother of the Year." chuckles.

February 18, 2012 1:54 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'd put up Christopher's texts, but they're only me telling him to stop ignoring me. I have to text Pammy to make her make him answer me.

February 18, 2012 3:00 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

In our house, the Lazy Susan we refer to it as the Lazy Ex-Wife.

And would a non-robotic thing NOT type the now required two words to prove they are not a robot - following commands with question?

February 19, 2012 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

I know all the players in this witty repartee. I'm bustin a gut laughing and acting them out for Daryl.

February 20, 2012 10:37 AM  

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