February 7, 2012

The Dance Diaries

Oh boy. We're off.

"The Spring Tulip Classic (formerly Spring Dancesport Challenge), has grown to become one of North America’s largest dance festivals. The event runs May 18th-20th 2012. The Saturday evening we have a glamorous Red Carpet and Black Tie Gala, among the performances of the night is the North American Show Dance Championships. This is a televised event that is attended by politicians and dance celebrities."

To raise money to bring dance to elementary school kids in Hamilton, they ask 6 local, erm, celebrities to take part. I accepted before I understood that I would have to actually dance at that Black Tie Gala. In front of people. At the Hamilton Convention Centre. With politicans and dance celebrities in attendance.

I last worked out in April, 2011. Then I slammed my hand in the garage door. Then I broke my baby toe. Then I just started inventing reasons to become a sloth. For anyone who's been playing along at home for some time, you might remember my last foray into the world of sport: Boxing.

I swore then I was going to stay in shape. That was back in 2006. It pains me to even write that. But here we go again: I'm back at All Canadian Fitness where Adam Higson is once again attempting to get me into shape. I just came back from my first session. I think he is still laughing. Dance practice starts in about 6 weeks, and I knew I couldn't just throw myself into the arms of a professional dancer. I am totally unable to dance, but I figure the least I can do is show up with the ability to 'dance' for five minutes without throwing up or passing out.

I'll be keeping The Dance Diaries. Check in to laugh and point. There will be pics at some point. But not now. No, not now.


Anonymous Roz said...

Bwahaaaaaaaaaa! See if you can post videos when you start the "dancing" part. Who is your celebrity partner going to be?

February 07, 2012 4:00 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Maybe if I'm lucky they'll team me up with Kate Minus Eight. Or Nancy Graceless.

THAT is where I'm setting the bar, folks.

February 07, 2012 4:01 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

You need a dance partner.Someone who won't screech when the high heels go awry, who anticipates your every move and makes you look graceful. Someone who knows the Macarena from the Swim and makes sure those two are never initiated on the floor no matter how blasted the partner is. In other words;
Meet Mr. Broom!
Seriously, you'll be fine. They'll be too busy looking at your leather boots to notice miss steps.

February 07, 2012 4:22 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

I started laughing at "Spring Tulip Classic".

February 07, 2012 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you will be fine.. Maybe you will get Tre Armstrong as a dance partner. WRC.

February 07, 2012 4:58 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I will trod on the spring tulips in my leather boots...

I almost turned this down because I knew you guys would be so...supportive.

February 07, 2012 5:02 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Drink plenty of tequila and smoke a cigar. Everyone will have to step over their jaws to compete. When you break things down into really small steps, it makes the biggest job seem like child's play.

Ice, lime, tequila... thrash around in the blender. Consume. Rinse, repeat. Rinse repeat. Clip cigar. Clip cigar. Engulf in flame. Inhale. Ice, lime, tequila.

The evening is yours.

February 07, 2012 5:11 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

More like the bar is yours if you follow Chris's advice. Either way sounds good and I'll match you drink for drink....or whip it for whip it....

February 07, 2012 8:21 PM  
Anonymous Padraig said...

Make sure you stand out - do a slow waltz.

February 08, 2012 5:24 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

I'm with Roz - as far as her comments go, you understand. I might even consider paying for the opportunity to see LS 'twirling' around a parquet floor like Steveie Nicks doing her good witch jig. Not with money; I'm sure we could arrive at another form of currency...

February 08, 2012 6:22 PM  

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