March 17, 2012

Bedtime, JoJo

I feel like crap, so I stayed in bed all morning, got up and had tea, then went back to bed. I'm back at my computer debating a second nap. The cats would approve, I'm sure. Their favourite spot to have any of us is in bed, so they can curl up and keep having night. Maggie follows me around all day wondering why we have to get up at all.

I was reading, but JoJo had other ideas. She's not the most affectionate cat, but when she decides it's time for some love, she will bite you until you agree. She was peering at me over my book (I got tired of reading on my iPad; it flips the screen when you turn it, but Apple hasn't figured out people lying on their side to read yet. It's annoying), so I patted her head for a minute. Then she licked the back of my hand because it obviously needed a bath with wet sandpaper. The second I started reading again, she started bashing my hand with her big black paws. I petted her; she licked; I read; she batted.

We did this for 15 minutes. She got bored first, which was just as well. I was going to get confused and lick instead of pat and that would have been nasty. I just read this article about people going to therapy to fix a marriage that isn't broken. It's a stupid premise, actually. Some journalist hauls her hubby into this intense therapy thing and finds out they're not all that happy after all. They just needed someone to point it out to them.

Really? When trouble shows up on my doorstep, I lock the door and pretend I'm not home. I don't send it a dinner invite. Are people really so bored or insecure they need to find out if they're doing 'content' right? In any marriage that is more than a year old, I can tell you with pretty good certainty there are things both of you don't like. But you adapt, and unless you married a serial killer, you can work around a lot of things.

If you want to truly and thoroughly know the person you are married to, you have to do only one thing to find out: divorce them.

I think instead of bridal showers and stag parties, the newly-affianced should get trundled off to a courtroom and figure out how they'd get divorced. They should fight over kids they don't have yet, decide if that inheritance (from a still living parent) belongs to both of them or just one, and who gets the good furniture and who gets the stuff in the rec room and who gets the china even though they both don't want it but think the other one does.

And people can't believe I'm not married. Well, that's not true. They can believe it.

I'm going to go pet JoJo.



Anonymous Padraig said...

I believe that in France it is easy to get a divorce, but very hard to get married. Sounds like a plan.

My double word is lexci zecti. Now they've started to rhyme!

March 17, 2012 4:17 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Get Well Soon.

March 17, 2012 5:54 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

You have an iPad 2 don't you? I thought Apple fixed that flippy screen thing on the 2 - at least that's what someone told me.

March 17, 2012 9:46 PM  
Anonymous Zena said...


When I read the title of your post, my heart skipped a beat.

Whew. You really were just talking about "bedtime" and not "into that goodnight" time...

I don't think divorce would be possible for me and Mr. Zena: we'd never be able to figure out how to divvy up the brain cell (yep, just the one) that we both share...

My words are "owslyfeb heresele."

I think that's "Happy St. Paddy's Day!" in word-verification-speak.

March 17, 2012 9:56 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Did you have a migraine? Two of my sons had migraines this week, and neither of them has had one for years.

March 18, 2012 9:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to write but my word is Norkedis dingeRa....I think that is for all the yahoos around the Van Halen concert last night and in the bar afterwards.
Go sit outside with your book...its amazing if you can stand the sun.

March 18, 2012 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

There's a solution to your iPad reading problem....there's a little round button on the side. Just slide it over and it locks your screen.

Happy reading!

March 19, 2012 10:26 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

My apologies to the rest of you, but Brenda is my new favourite reader.

March 19, 2012 10:27 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

And I know Roz will now say 'no! I said it first!' but half an answer is only good for partial marks.

And you didn't show your work.

March 19, 2012 10:28 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Well, excuuuuuuuuse me. I only have an original iPad but at least I knew about it. (which is more tech savvy than you)

Yeah well, Brenda can cook the Easter, thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I'll be at home.

March 19, 2012 4:55 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Oh, Brenda. You poor thing. You have really stepped on the hornet's nest now.

March 19, 2012 6:05 PM  

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