March 8, 2012


Small things

I realized the other day that my morning paper wasn't here. Indignant, I sent the paper an email and said while I was willing to overlook this just this once, would they please credit me that day's paper and carry on. They instead gently told me that I owed them 75 bucks, and would I please pay it, they would be happy to keep delivering. I checked my records; I could have sworn I'd paid up till the end of March. I was wrong. Somewhere, family members are taking a screenshot of that line and saving it.

I've changed the paper I write for, so I'll be changing the paper I subscribe to, as well. And even though I give it a longer think every time before I re-up, I remember the things I miss without a paper copy. I've written before about bus-off-a-cliff stories. Those are the one inch little blurbs that editors use to fill up random spaces on a page. They are often, literally, bus plunge stories from places you didn't know existed. Apparently, someone somewhere even coined that phrase because it was so common. Now, I don't know if it's a for real truth like tons of serial killers having Wayne for a middle name, because that really is true; someone did check that out. I'm sure of it. Do not give your kid Wayne as a middle name because it will make him turn out killy. So I don't know if an editor just started *only* using bus plunge stories to fill up those little spaces and therefore created his own truth, or the other way around. But I would miss those little stories without a hard copy paper.

Yes, I actually think about these things.

Today I don't have a hard copy, but I was noodling around on newspaper sites that still upload the equivalent of bus plunge stories to their online sites. These are, generally speaking, papers that don't think their readership are ignoring the little bits and bobs of stories that the other papers deem not good enough for the web. I am thankful for these other newspaper sites, especially when it's raining and I'm waiting for my oldest son to get home from Ohio with a sackful of laundry and an empty gas tank.

In two unrelated stories, I read about wee animals running amok. I used to think that word was amuck. It's not. In Hawaii, there was a wee piglet running around a hotel lobby. I stole the picture.

Then, I got not two stories further into my reading, and found this wee pygmy goat story. So I stole this picture, too. They note that this is not the actual pygmy, but I didn't care. I have often ordered things off the internet or a menu that say 'may not be exactly as shown' and they have mostly been just fine. I think this little goat is as cute as the real one.
I often ponder where the cutoff point is for cute. We (and by that I mean 'me') often get all stupid around tiny things that are darling. Chicks before they chickens, kittens before they become cats, and puppies before they become shoe chewing balls of stupid. We think small is cute. So why don't we like bugs? Why is a mouse cute but a cockroach isn't? Caterpillars are furry and cute, right? Bumblebees look almost huggable, if you think about it. I've heard it's because humans respond only to things that have human features, as in eyes like our face. That's why fish are just meh, but meerkats are perfect. They are really; I have meerkats as the facesaver thing on my iPad. Ari just rolled his eyes.

I think about these things, too.

Ari came in after school and told me his shop teacher, the one who just ushered this crew of kids through their spectacular showing at the Robotics Championship, signed a permission form for another competition Ari will be in. He said, "he signed as my guardian, because I forgot to bring the paper home for you to sign." I promptly went upstairs and packed Ari a small suitcase, his toiletry kit and a granola bar. Mr. Arnold, I'll be dropping him off tomorrow. He's all yours.

19 Comments:

Anonymous Arlene said...

Mice aren't cute. They are small, I'll give you that. Small enough to work their way into the TOP drawer of my kitchen cabinetry, leaving little wee mouse poos behind. I'm in the process of poisoning them. So there is a reason, Lorraine, that not all small is cute.

March 08, 2012 4:21 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh, Arlie. Stop being so harsh. Everybody poops.

I always hear Leonard Cohen's voice in my head when I say that. I'm not sure which is weirder: that I hear Leonard Cohen's voice in my head, or that I say 'everybody poops' with enough frequency to realize I say it at all.

March 08, 2012 4:56 PM  
Anonymous Arlene said...

Did I mention that they also pee. Wee, little yellow streaks of it.

March 08, 2012 5:10 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Everybody pees...

(More Leonard...)

March 08, 2012 5:11 PM  
Anonymous Arlene said...

I was at the vet today. She was holding a 4-week-old puppy upon which she had operated when it was 2 days old. It was born without an anus. See. Not everybody poops.

March 08, 2012 5:37 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

There is no limit you will not go to to get the last word, is there?!

March 08, 2012 5:38 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

I see in the article that the piglet was taken to the humane society and will be available for adoption in a few months. I'm thinking who ever adopts her will be eating a lot of ham sandwiches by August. Hawaii is a state of extremes, wealth and poverty.

March 08, 2012 6:02 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

On a somewhat related topic, a squirrel is simply a rat with a furry tail. Thusly... all things furry are cute. Not furry, not cute.

The nice thing is that although my head is reducing its amount of fur, the rest of me is on a fur-creating binge. So... cuter.

Congrats again to the (non-furry) robotics team. They must be on cloud nine.

March 08, 2012 8:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where are they going now? The GTA regionals?

March 09, 2012 9:50 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yup. Hershey Centre. First they have to rebuild their robot. It got a little bent up apparently.

March 09, 2012 9:57 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Chris Brown. Overshare.

March 09, 2012 10:03 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Roz. I'm a firm believer in creating a picture in people's mind so that when they meet me (don't worry, that won't happen) they go all "Hey... compared to what I had in my mind, he's not THAT hideous." It softened the blow my ego always took when mothers would phwapp their baby carriage tops down when they saw me. "Save the child's eyes!!"

As my Finnish friends would say when they first met me "aysiten therrible!!" I kid you not. Those are my words.

March 09, 2012 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

That's it. I'm google imaging you. Don't be too flattered. I google image pretty much everything. Ask Lorraine as I tend to share the results of the freakier things I find.

Lorraine! Incoming - potentially.

March 09, 2012 5:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

She google images EVERYTHING. And yes, she shares. In fact, she overshares.

How many people do you know who have Awkward Family Photos bookmarked?

March 09, 2012 5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like my animosity. People can google all they want. LOL

March 10, 2012 12:31 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Believe me. Being Chris Brown covers you in more anonymity than being "Anonymous." We are everywhere, and yet nowhere.

Like ninjas.

Roz will find nothing on me. NOTHING.

March 11, 2012 8:48 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Except a tear away kilt and sandalswith white socks in a public phone booth on Harvester Road near the Burloak border.

March 11, 2012 12:38 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Oh Buzzy. Do share.

March 11, 2012 5:31 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Buzz... in the right hands, ALL kilts are tear-aways.

March 12, 2012 10:56 AM  

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