May 15, 2012

Can goats dance?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):
A good laugh heals a lot of hurts, so stay focused on happy thoughts and make sure you mix only with cheerful people. Never forget that it’s your mind that creates your world. Make it a world worth living in. 

Every once blue moon (not to be confused with a super duper extreme moon like we had the other night), I will click on my horoscope. I actually used to write horoscopes for all of you, back in December 2010. I was taking the mickey out of a real horoscope guy who runs ridiculous ramblings that just begged to be made fun of. So I did. I only made it through six weeks, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Then I quit, because that nonsense takes a boatload of time. But it was fun while it lasted.

When I was a teenager working in Toronto in the summers, I'd read one newspaper on the train on the way in, and another on the way home. I'd of course read the horoscopes, but when they provided clashing information, I'd be puzzled. How could the stars be sending me mixed messages? Even better was this dorky little thing in the Toronto Sun that showed you on a graph how your day would go - little balls marking from one to five, emotional, physical and something or other. If the little ball for physical was resting at a shoddy 'one', I'd think, "whoa, now, can't the little graph see I'm having a good hair day?". That was probably the beginning of the end of my faith in these.

Today's horoscope, brought to you by me because I woke up exceptionally early due to a stupid little noisy bird enjoying the crap out of spring, reminds me to stay focused on happy thoughts. Today we are doing the photo shoot for my Tango story, which will run in the Hamilton Spectator on Thursday or Friday. My Event is Saturday night. I got my red sparkly shoes (they're like that but red) on Friday, and I've been wearing them in the house. My sons are horrified. So I ran across the street to show them to Sarah, who I knew would get all girly with me. Of course, I ran over wearing them, in an old hoodie and my jeans pulled up to display them. Ari was in the street with a friend. He did not laugh.

The Spec told me yesterday they were oh, also doing video. Webgod will be there to do both, hopefully, for you crew to laugh at. We did some pics the other day (I've been training with Adam Higson for a few months to get in shape for this two minute moment) to prove I've been working out. I never work out. Higson has given me a new body. I don't know whose it is, but it's a decided improvement. You want a new body? Give this lad two months and do as he says. Unbelievable.

Anyway. I had some sweaty pics, but they were pretty dark and didn't turn out great. I also wanted a pic that showed the little liney things on my belly, but those didn't turn out. So you'll have to take my word for it. I have little liney things. Which of course won't show in my tango dress - it has no back, not no front. Good thing; I'm dancing for the childruuuuuuun.

I was worried when I clicked on my horoscope that it would tell me this was a good day to stay in bed and eat crackers and cry, or something. I'm thankful it told me go be cheerful. I was a little hesitant that it says 'it's your mind that creates your world' because my mind has been known to concoct some pretty strange things.

I think I'll just go put on my sparkly red shoes and go heal some hurts.


Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Drink wine before the dance number, forget that everyone is watching and you'll have a great time. Seriously, I wish I had the time to see that event. Life is too busy and dull right now.

May 15, 2012 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Zena said...

Of course goats can dance - that's why they wear those little pointy shoes, silly.

May 16, 2012 10:27 PM  

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