May 4, 2012

It takes two...

I am in the Countdown to Tango stage. On May 19, at the Hamilton Convention Centre, I will perform a two minute tango in a crazy red and black dress and high heeled red sparkly shoes and a flower in my hair. You might want to read that again. My fingers just said 'what the hell did we just type?'

I've been training like an Olympian. Well, if Olympians exasperate their trainers at every turn. My dance partner, Mentor Sejdiu, is constantly amazed by me. Amazed that I can't remember dance steps, and that when I can I can't learn new ones, amazed that my arms look like somebody stapled them on after I was already made, and that when he says 'point your toe' and I scream back 'it is pointed!' that I'm not kidding.

As for Adam Higson, he has been training me for about two months now. If you live in the Hamilton/Burlington area, and you would like a new body, he can give you one. I am not kidding. I haven't been this fit in probably 25 years. He is a miracle worker. Adam is a retired fighter, and he now trains fighters (he's the dude who trained me to box, years ago), so he says things like 'next week we start cutting for weight'. I looked at him blankly. Apparently, it's a fighter training term. We get all sporty, then the last week he thinks I will drop a few pounds to be the Most Sporty Person in the World This Week. He thinks I'm going to give up carbs. Silly lad.

There will be pictures - just haven't got to them yet. The event will be webcast, and it will be on the local cable channels. This terrifies me, of course, but it's for a great cause. By competing, we can raise money so that kids in the Hamilton school system can have a dance program brought into their schools. Many of the schools simply can't afford to do it, so this event, The Spring Tulip Festival of Dance, is helping. It's a three day event that culminates in *my* dance on the Saturday night at a red carpet gala. Okay, that's exaggerating. But I am terrified.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will you have a rose in your teeth?

May 04, 2012 11:17 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Well now, you are just full of surprises. So,you haven't been this fit in 25 years. You'll have to beat men away with a stick.

May 04, 2012 11:42 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I will have a rose in my teeth if it falls out of my hair and Mentor dips me down and I grab it with my mouth...

May 04, 2012 12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you mean "if" it falls out Lorraine? Are you telling us you are not working this into your routine?

May 04, 2012 1:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Here is what Mentor is working into our routine: spins, dips, tangoing, lifts, twirls, footwork, forward kicks, backward kicks, sideways kicks, then all of this at the same time.

Here is what I am working into our routine: don't fall down.

May 04, 2012 1:10 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

It would appear we, your adoring public, cannot buy tickets to this event. I looked at the HCC website and except for the Hamilton Psychic convention (date unknown. "If you have to ask, you shouldn't be attending") there's nothing up for mid May. Can't even make a donation on-line, like I had to for the May 2nd event (I was away.)

I will have to watch on-line, I guess. Everything's better live, though.

May 04, 2012 3:51 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

It's black tie. Which means all of you will have to wear tuxes. Somehow, I don't see that happening...hehehehehe.

Chris, thank you so much for making a donation to the T.E.A.C.H. event. It was a really awesome evening, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

May 04, 2012 3:56 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Don't lose too much weight or you might tango right out of your fancy dress. (although it might be good for donations)

Remember the wedding dress test.

May 04, 2012 4:36 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

OMG that was so funny. I'd forgotten that.

May 04, 2012 4:48 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Dish, Ladies...

May 05, 2012 9:56 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Lorraine & I made her wedding dress (pictured in the photo with her and our dad dancing - Dad in a Kit Kat cap) and we were sewing until the day before the "wedding". Anyway, it was strapless and the big test after it was 85% done was to have her try it on and jump. It ended up around her waist.

That's the wedding dress story.

May 05, 2012 2:50 PM  

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