Self: Yes, I think it was rather great planning that as you trundled through the kitchen this morning on your way downstairs that you stopped for a moment, and put the kettle on first. This would give you a few minutes to brush your teeth and pee, stop and notice a load had to be switched to the dryer, keep going as you noticed that the litter boxes are named the wrong thing (there is far more than litter in there) and that as usual, nobody filled up the handsoap, so you did it.
Yes, Self, that was a nice multitasking moment. You can't begin the day without tea, and waiting even a second longer than you have to for the kettle to boil is a drag. With a little luck, the kettle would be well on its way by the time you'd tidied up the kitchen a little, fed the cats, and flicked on your computer.
Oh, Self, there you go again, getting sucked into some reading before you've even had your tea. Maggie has settled on your lap already, and JoJo is chasing something you really, really pray isn't a mouse in the living room. It must not be; Maggie is still on your lap, looking at JoJo likes she's an idiot. If that was a mouse, it would be swinging from Maggie's evil mouth by now. We all know that.
The first thing you should be looking up, Self, is how to replace the screen on your new phone. Yes, that phone that you've had 3 days, that you finally just figured out how to work yesterday. And one of the first things you noticed was that it wasn't charging properly. So, to keep an eye on it, you hooked it up to charge through your computer tower. Your kids taught you that; such wonderful boys. The problem of course, Self, was that as you were on the normal phone talking to Roz yesterday, you, as usual, went to put your feet up on the tower.
Self, cell phones charge with a cord. That cord is black, like your tower. Self, your big stupid feet got caught in that cord, and you watched in slow motion, like a horror movie or a antidepressant commercial, as the thing fell to earth. Well, actually that would have been better. Because in reality it fell to your stone floor. The crack bloomed across the screen. Your conversation with Rozzy didn't miss a beat, because sometimes this happens. The first thing Self was smart enough to do was to see if it would still work. Self doesn't mind damaged stuff; Self is used to it. It did still work! Oh, and it was fully charged, so that takes care of that.
Self: the reason you are sitting here wondering why the kettle hasn't started to whine yet, let alone boil, is because you didn't turn the burner on.