August 14, 2012

Gone, baby, gone...

I'm outa here. Off to discover how the rich and richer do it, here. Get to drive a bunch of Porsches. I think it will be quite lovely.

I'm running around last minute, as usual, trying to cram 6 days worth of why-bother-I'll-never-fit-in into a carry-on, inexplicably ironing things and then scrunching them into the case. You think I'd be better at this by now. You'd think.

I finally gave up on the list, and handed Christer and Pammy my card and said "you guys go do a top up shopping". I also reminded them to check with Ari because he too, will be eating, and might like a say. I hand them cash as well (carefully separated), but sometimes, if I time it right, I can actually get them to cook a few nights while I'm gone. The ATM spat out 2 50s and 5 20s. I gave Ari the 20s, because if I give him the 50s, apparently, every time a bill or a pizza comes, he says "I don't want to break the 50" and Christer ends up using his money to pay. I love that. 'His' money. 'Their' money. Heh. Sigh.

The kids just got back with groceries. Ari hauled it in, peeking in the bags. I asked what they got.
"Acne juice," he tells me, pulling out a thing of Coke.

I told Christopher I wasn't going to bother putting a texting plan on my phone. Nobody ever answers me, and I end up sending 4 texts (one to each kid that says 'I love youuuuuuu', then a follow up telling them they're evil little non-responding bastards), then just daily to Pammy who promptly answers me, usually with a picture of Maggie sitting at my computer missing me. Pammy is gold.

But that means 40 texts go unused. It seems wasteful. It seems silly. It seems I do it every.time.I.go. And it never changes. So, I just put a plan on, because the one time I don't...For a change, I'll be heading back to the U.S. to Anchorage before the month is up - they usually expire. The texts. Not the kids.

Maggie is eyeballing my open suitcase. She is not pleased. Last time I was away, she racked up 500 bucks in vet bills. The kids now refer to this as the time Maggie faked her own death to get even at me for leaving her.

It's almost worth 500 bucks to have somebody miss me.

Though I think JoJo does it for free.

*Edit: I just asked JoJo if she was going to miss her Mommy. She said "Mommy who?. And Ari is upstairs eating the junk food Christer bought. He laughed on his way up the stairs and said "you're not even gone yet!"


Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Sigh... I will miss you. Even though I'm not there. I don't like it when you leave. If I knew where you live I'd come over and pee in your suitcase. Your cats are supposed to do that. They are not only retarded but delinquent in their role as The Superior Being of the Household.

Drive carefully. As if.

August 14, 2012 7:11 PM  
Anonymous Padraig said...

You mean you get to drive some of those cars they show on the website?
I think this is totally awesome, and I can't think why your ungrateful children aren't knocking each other down just to touch the hem of your garment. Crumpled though it may be.

August 14, 2012 8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We will all miss you!! Even the two boys/men in your life.

August 14, 2012 8:16 PM  
Anonymous Lorraine said...

Those boys are counting down the seconds:)

No, Padraig, I'm stuck driving a fleet of all the new Porsches. And the boys are happier when those cars are in the driveway. Unless they get to see them, they don't really exist!

August 14, 2012 8:50 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Bye. I didn't even know you were going.

August 14, 2012 10:11 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

It's because you don't listen to me when I call. It's okay. I'm used to it....

August 15, 2012 8:57 AM  

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